Cleanroom Rantings

So, as it turns out, leftover Uncle Bills' pancakes, sausage, bacon, eggs, and fried chicken is a delicious mistake. AKA Heartburn Central. But it was fun while it lasted. Also, little known fact, the open sign at 3am on the Vietnamese sandwich place is gloriously deceiving to drunk-Us. (drunk-Us is hyphenated for a reason people. Keep up. It's called rhythm*.)

Well, the Pabsts were cold and cheap, the conversation relatively obscene, and the music good enough to thump in my seat. Last night equals a sucessful Monday. Thanks Kyle and K.

-Junk

P.S. KB's eye was less swollen - from when his bony-assed friend was thrown bony-ass first into him whilst breaking into a CWE pool a la 4am-get-stuck-like-a-pig-on-the-fence style. That happened at the old place once, and I pulled the guy off. Gross. I didn't even know his name. But it didn't happen this time; because I manhandled John-John thighs and got man-glittered in the process. Left 'em a present, too. My least favorite Calvin Kline whitey-tighties were found by some erstwhile poolman early Sunday morning. Enjoy, poolman, enjoy.

*Great scrabble word.

Guess who had Sparks last night...

That's right. In a paper bag and everything.

So I picked up Edo last night and he was already done. With a D. We went to Westport, never a good idea, and JC- who stills claims to be better than a puppy - decides shes going to hit on girls for us. Except that E's wasted and I'm Sparky and we do NOT look like guys that should be having a hot girl talk to girls for us. Or maybe we do. But the music was good and then we went to the CWE and embarrassed ourselves in front of all Karens friends and coworkers. And when I say us I mean ME. It was great. We got home and Karen made delicious duck confit spring rolls, which are, unsuprisingly, awesome drunk food. Now its rent paying time (in more ways than one) and that means stepping into an oven. Goodbye sweat. It was nice having you inside my body.

Reasons I Totally Suck Vol. 1

Okay, so I know that I'm a complete douchebag for not even writing once this whole time I've been away. No arguement there. But here is a short and totally incomplete list of other reasons I should be thrown down a well...

After all that drunken, "No seriously, man, what do you want me to buy you from India?" I haven't purchased ANY souvenier-style gifts. I bought my mom a pashmina shawl. that's it. Everything else was for myself. I bought three pair of shoes. I'm selfish. So no one is getting anything. Except some aawesome stories and pictures.

I can't spell.

I plan on being that really annoying guy who says things like, "You know, while I was in India, they did it like this..." I hate those guys. Therefore, I am a hypocrite.

I only write blogs about myself and how awesome I am. Even the self-depreciating blogs are quasi-ego filled. Only I could make "Reasons why I suck" mkae me sound awesome.

I can't spell and I have no shame.

I only called four people. My mom. My dad. My brother. My sister. --- I didn't even call my other brother. It's been over three weeks, and I'm completely within reach of a phone like 24hours a day, but I'm such a chotch that havne't called ANY of my friends. And these are people who would LOVE a drunken phone call at 9am. You know who you are.

I totally farted in the World Temple for Krishna Conscienceness. Loud. And it smelled R E A L L Y bad. there were people that hadn't showered in like eight years that were giving me dirty looks and wrinkling thier noses.

Oh, I wore leather in a Jain monument. that was on accident, so I can't really be blamed for it, but I don't regret it at all, so I'm going to Jainist hell, which I think is the Super Smokers in Maryland Heights.

to be continued.

I'm flying home in approx. 13 hours. For 15 hours. whoever sits next to me on the plane is going to hate being alive for 15 hours. Or maybe they'll just hate their olfactory system. I know I hate their olfactory system already. With its scrunchiness and hating the player not the game. Party at my house this weekend. Please call or post with availability and theme ideas.